Monday, May 7, 2012

Say What?!

Me, age 2
I'm not a parent myself but have been exposed to many miniature versions of ourselves over the years.  

Lately my interaction with children, usually at Walmart or the grocery store, has been less then pleasant.  I get lemon face at the sound of shrieking little ones running rabid at my feet and I'd imagine my discomfort has very little to do with my lack of experience.  

I mean, you parents can't be completely numb to the sound of screaming children right?  

I have a lot of Mom friends who love their mini mes more then anything on this earth but are very vocal about not liking other people's kids.  I get that.  The closest thing I have to human children are my younger sister's kids.  I was there when they were born (thank you for the best form of birth control - that's another blog post all together!) I lived with them for the first few years of their lives and maintain a pretty close relationship with them even 2000 miles away.  They are fun, beautiful little creatures who drive me absolutely bonkers.  They too hold the shrieking gene.  In fact, I make money off of this obnoxious talent.  I set the expectation that every time that blood curdling noise comes from their sweet faces, they owe me a quarter.  Let's just say I've made a buck or two in a weekend.  

I'm trailing from the initial purpose of this post.  Each day I giggle at the Facebook updates left by all of the Moms and Dads describing how completely hilarious their children are.  

First, I'd like share a few child hood stories of my own before getting into the real good stuff.

Me, age 6 - Jaime, age 3

  • 8 year old (Me) : Jaime, if you don't hurry you are going to be tardy! (In reference to us being late to school)
  • 5 year old Jaime (younger sister): Oh yeah, well you have testicles in your head!
  • 5 year old Jaime: "MOM! CORIE CALLED ME RETARDED!!"

    This is something Jaime and I still reference to this day.  I can see where a child might get tardy and retarded confused buy where my 5 year old sister first heard the word testicle is beyond us!

    Me (3) and Jaime (1)

    I also remember being a child and saying "Mom" so many times that she finally told me to stop and call her Sherri.  

    I can't forget learning about where babies came from.  From the neighbor kids.  For a few hours I was convinced that a MAN grew a baby in his head.  His head would open up and the baby would come out.  My Dad suffers from migraine headaches so I thought for sure he was having a baby!

    Funny Facebook Posts and Random Quotes

    Audrey, age 7
    • "I always fee like I'm being watched.  By a duck or something."
    •  "Audrey gave me a hint of what she made me for my birthday.  She said it's made with toilet paper and love.  LOL!"
    • Audrey was 4 years old. I asked her if she wanted some cheese. She said " I don't like American Cheese" I said "since when?" She said "since the 80's"
    • I made a healthy pasta dinner one day and the kids didn't like it. Audrey told me it tasted like drain pipe.
    It's What's For Dinner...
    • There was this picture of Obama in the paper. He had his hand raised in the air kind of like he was waving. Audrey at 3 years old said "He wants a five dollar foot long". This was back when Subway had a ton of 5 dollar foot long commercials on TV. Not sure if you remember or not...

      Olivia, age 4
      • My daughter describing what she thinks a crush is that she has on a boy. "It means you love them and don't want them to know."
      Barb, age 4 (Audrey's Mother when she was a kid)
      • "Boys have a pinochle and girls have a bagina"
      Braden, age6
      • "So my uncle Adam is the one with less hair because when you are bald, you are just bald you know!"
      Garrett, age...
      • After getting a bad spider bite, he looked at his Mother and flicked his wrist, doing the Spider Man web blast and said "it's not working!" he was so upset he didn't become Spider Man. 

        I wanted to take it step further and interview these fine young Americans.  Here are some of the answers.

        Why do you like being a kid?
        • "I get to play with friends and eat more sweets." - Jaida, age 10
        • "Because i don't have to work." - Kylee, age 10
        • "Because it's the best thing ever and I get to play soccer, it's the best thing in my life, it's like never being here but it's like you care about it." - Sel, age 5
        • "Because I'm alive." - Audrey, age 7
        • "When you get older, you can't do as much stuff and you have to pay people to do things for you." - Kendahl, age 10
         What advise would you give your parents?
        • "Don’t be so dorky! My mom spends all of her time on the internet- doing her homework.  Parents should let their kids have fun.” - Ella, age 8
        • "Don't eat until dinner." - Javi, age 6
        • "Instead of being stressed, relax and have fun like kids do." -Jaida, age 10

        Tell me about a funny time in your life.
        • "When I went on a roller coaster and I threw up a little bit and swallowed it." - Olivia, age 8
        • "I ran into a wall." - Javi, age 6
        • "Today for example, we were playing hide and go seek with Jason and he kept making pit farts!" - Karsyn, age 7
        • “When I was at school we were practicing writing cursive and when we got to the letter “P” this kid Jonathan started yelling “Pee!”  Everyone laughed so hard that apple juice came out our nose.” - Ella, age 8

        What do you want to be when you grow up ?

        What do you think makes a person pretty?

        At what age would you consider someone to be old?

        What is the hardest thing about being a kid?

        Why do you think the sky is blue?
        • "Because God made it that way."  When asked why it's not green or purple - " Because, that is not how the sky exists.  It's got to be blue, we asked him to make it blue, and God painted it because he likes blue.  It is his favorite color!"- Sel, age 4
        • "It just is." - Ryleigh, age 11
        • "So you can see the sun." - Javi, age 6
        • "I have no idea, really." - Karsyn, age 7

        Does anyone else have funny kid stories?  They sure say the darnedest things.  Pure, honest and no shame.  Sometimes that can be a formula for embarrassment if they over-share in public.   

        Thanks to the friends who helped me with interviewing their children and sharing these hilarious stories!

        I recently stumbled upon a pretty hilarious site called Not Safe For The FridgeHere you will find rogue artwork created by your imaginative children.  Audrey's Mom, sent me a great piece her daughter's friend constructed.  

        If you have unsafe art you want displayed for the blog world to see, submit at

        Those dogs play funny...